The difference between men and women

When I go to the cupboard for my morning cereal and discover that we're out of clean spoons, I

1. Check to see if the dishwasher is clean (it is)
   
2. Check cupboards for plastic spoons (we have plenty)
   
3. Wash a spoon and use it.
   

Presented with the same situation yesterday, Ben ate his Cheerios with an extra-large serving spoon. Today, he ate Frosted Mini-Wheats with a gravy spoon.

Whirlwind

A couple quick photos from the last couple weeks:

We got this really cool sandbox/water table thing that Noah had a blast with before June gloom set in. In hindsight, it's not the most brilliantly designed thing... the whole half water/ half sand table is going to quickly become the table filled with wet sand. Whatever. It's still cool.

Noah loves keys... he especially loves THROWING them. Particularly in Target. But you better pick them up and give them back to him, or screaming will ensue. And better your keys than your wallet. I'm just saying.

But I had no idea he knew what the keys were actually for...


And every now and then Noah throws me these silly little faces... and I can see exactly what he's going to look like when he grows up. He's a little snotty in this picture (literally, not figuratively... although... well, no, he's just snotty), and this is before his botched overpriced haircut (see how his hair is IN his ears?), but I love it anyway. Look at that kid! Can you believe that this:

was a full year ago?! Time flies.

Lessons in Parenting

Micha was here last week, and as we were chatting on the couch, Noah picked something up off the floor (a crayon? a ball-point pen? a found Cheerio? I don't remember) and proceeded to put it in his mouth. Micha, good honorary aunt that she is, started to reach for Noah to take the object away. I interjected with the first thing that popped in my head: "Meh, it's probably non-toxic." Then I made a joke about how many times a day I think that to myself.

I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when I stopped worrying (and caring) about Germ Exposure. Maybe it was when Noah became mobile and I realized that the only way to keep the kid from putting EVERYTHING in his mouth would be to stand at his side constantly-- and I really didn't/don't have that kind of energy (and who wants that kind of mother?). Or maybe it was way back when he started sucking on his own toes. Really, the only way to keep anything out of this kid's mouth would have been to sew elizabethan collars into all of his onesies. (Which, come to think of it, could be one of the inaugural items at Amanda's Baby Emporium. We'll keep it next to the Baby Ambien.)

So anyway. I'm eating leftover chow mein for breakfast (cold - yum!), and Noah just trotted over (no, really, he trots), patted me on the arm, opened his mouth wide like a baby bird and said, "Uah!" (which means either "I would like a bite, please", "May I have some, Mommy?", or "ME! FOOD! NOW!" You be the judge.). I gave him a noodle, and while trying to extricate it from my fork, he dropped it on the floor. I reached down to get it, but I swear, this kid's floor-to-mouth reflex is FAST. Fast like a frog's tongue to a dragonfly. As Noah walked away with half a noodle hanging out of his mouth I thought, "Meh, it's non-toxic." And turned back to my blog.

I am an excellent mother.

Speaking of our litigious society

Noah's crib has been recalled.

Before you get all up in a tizzy, you should know that it seems like 50% of the baby products out there get recalled (especially cribs and mattresses), so this news was hardly shocking to me. Apparently, if you kick hard enough, your baby COULD weaken the wooden slats of the crib. And those slats COULD break. Which COULD pose a hazard to your baby. *eye roll* And we COULD all be hit by a devastating tsunami tomorrow. Better shrink-wrap the laptop! Anyway.

The question is, what to do?

Here's how it works. You fill out a form with your crib information and the company sends you a "recall kit" (done). The recall kit includes an "acknowledgment form" in which I promise not to sell or give away my recalled crib. Then I take apart the crib, send the company the bolts and screws, and ONE OR TWO WEEKS LATER, I get a voucher to go to Babies R Us and buy a new crib. There's no mention of where my child is supposed to sleep for one or two weeks while his disassembled crib litters his bedroom.

Option 1: Go for it. The kid can sleep in his playpen for two weeks. I wasn't going to want to re-use this crib anyway, since Noah gnawed it to pieces while cutting some teeth. Hooray for new (free!) stuff.

Option 2: Go for it... in a few months. Wait until I think Noah's done destroying this crib, get the new one, use it. Gently.

Option 3: Go for it, but don't use the new crib. Keep it neatly boxed in the garage for some future child (mine or a friend's or someone on eBay's - who knows?). Go to Ikea and get Noah a cheap boring standard crib or a really cool big kid bed (it flips over!).

Option 4: Do nothing. Too much work.

Help!

A vacation!

We just got back from our week-long vacation in Cancun. We've been saving up Ben's frequent flyer miles, so we flew first-class for free; and we used Ben's hotel points to stay at the Westin Resort for 7 nights for $150. Hooray for super-cheap vacations!

I had big plans to post several times during the week, but internet access was 150 pesos a day (more than $10), and we just weren't in the room enough to pay that much. I ducked into two internet cafes during the week ($2 for the first 20 minutes), and each time I realized that I am wholly, completely, irrevocably addicted to the internet. It's an issue I'm sure I should address... someday.

But anyway. Getting to Cancun was really hectic. The couple weeks leading up to our vacation were stressful and busy and exhausting, and when we finally arrived it was hot and sticky and confusing, and by the time we got to our room I was wondering why we even bothered. Then I stepped out onto our balcony and saw this:


And I knew it was worth it.

We arrived in Mexico on Saturday, and the swine flu travel advisory was issued on either Sunday or Monday. We were completely disconnected from the world - no newspaper, no internet, and we didn't even turn on the TV until Tuesday evening. Which is, of course, when the hysteria started. But we decided to stay and finish our vacation. There were no reported cases of the virus in the state of Quintana Roo until today, and I'm just not a worrier by nature. I'm worried about the state of tourism in Mexico now, though - especially for Becky and Matt's sake, since their jobs are based on tourism - because Cancun was a ghost town by the time we left on Saturday.

There are a lot of things you can do in Mexico that you can't do in America. A lot of them are simply because Mexico does not share the overly litigious culture that results in warning labels on socks and liability waivers on every street corner. As a result, we were able to do things with Noah that just wouldn't happen in the States:

Like getting a kiss from a parrot:

Holding exotic lizards

Posing with a passing crocodile in its habitat

Getting in the pen to feed the deer
Allowing wild monkeys to eat off a stroller tray

That was all at the Crococun Zoo - which is less a zoo and more an interactive animal tour. It was so cool! Noah got to touch all the animals, and he had a blast.

We also went to Xel-Ha, which was super-expensive but SO worth it. I would have gone back a second day if we had time. They had baby-sized life jackets, and we were able to take Noah out in the water while we took turns snorkeling with Becky, Matt, and Riley. Most of my pictures from Xel-Ha are crappy (I bought a waterproof disposable camera. It lived up to its name, but the pictures turned out horribly), but I love this one:

I could go on and on. It was such a relaxing week. Noah was a fantastic traveler - even on the plane rides. It was great to see Becky! We weren't together all week, but we did get a little sister time. It was a really, really nice vacation. We ate GREAT food, had AMAZING margaritas, did a little shopping, did a LOT of swimming... and actually managed to not get sunburned!

My two favorite pictures:

Noah trying to give me some sand:

The turquoise ocean at our hotel:

Decisions, decisions

Hi. I'm still here. It's been a crappy month.

Layoffs happened last week at my work, and it was very VERY stressful. I'm still employed, but I lost a co-worker of three years, and my boss (who I LOVE) has been "reassigned" (demoted) and moved to another area. We didn't know until Friday whether we were "safe" or not, and my BlackBerry was practically smoking with the number of emails and messages I was getting from friends - "I'm being called to conference room X", "So-and-so is getting walked out", "Manager X is demoted", "It's been a pleasure working with you". I hope I never have to face another week like that ever again. Ever. Again.

And now the real stress begins - will I like my new boss and co-worker? Will my workload be impacted? Will my days off or hours change? How much is my life about to suck?

Ugh. Let's talk about something else.

A couple weeks ago I was going to write about my ridiculous obsession with finding a new stroller for our vacation to Cancun next month. Not that I don't like my current stroller, but it's really big and bulky and it weighs almost 30 pounds - not conducive to international travel. Like having a Cadillac when you need a Civic. And we could have purchased a cheap-o umbrella stroller, but I'm way too tall to push them comfortably. And (as always) I wanted it all - huge canopy, breathable fabrics, cup holders, gigantic basket for storage, and a compact fold - and I wanted it to be light as a feather.

So an obsession was born. No joke - I had an Excel spreadsheet put together, rating the different features of each stroller and noting the amazon dot com review for each. I probably did 20 hours of research - I am now a stroller expert. I liked this one, but for the price, it seemed cheaply made. We almost got this one, but the storage was tiny, it had a crappy canopy, and there was no tray for Noah. I finally decided on the Baby Jogger City Mini (I felt justified in spending the extra money since I now definitely have a job). It has the coolest fold I've ever seen. So instead of getting the Civic, we spent the extra bucks for the Beetle. How very like me. :)

That's what I was going to write about. But now our decisions are much more complex.

Ben's company did not win the contract they were bidding on, and so he was given his layoff notice last week. (Like I said, it's been a crappy month.) But, before you feel too sorry for him - Ben has THREE job offers on the table, all of them offering him a raise. But he has until Tuesday to make his decision, and each of the companies would provide drastically different working environments and futures.

Company A - Ben's current company. There aren't any positions in LA, but he's been offered a position in San Diego at a 5% raise. It's a leadership position, which is what he really wants for the future, but it's a CRAPPY commute, at least three days a week. Plus, Company A already offered him a fantastic severance package, and it's hard to pass that up! BUT, Company A has a great corporate culture - one that directly inspired the theme for Noah's room. It's hard to leave that behind. And working where I do, no one appreciates the importance of that better than me.

Company B - the winners of the contract. Basically, Ben would get to keep his current job (at a 5% increase), but would just work at a different company. However, this company has a completely different culture. Instead of building things, they're a consulting firm, run by "partners". Currently, Ben reports to an AF Captain. How's that for a change? And he'd have to wear a tie every day. But, these people REALLY want him, and I have already asked him to name his price - it sounds like they'll do almost anything to get him.

Company C - I think Ben likes this company better. They're offering him a different job, but still in LA. We won't know what the offer is until tomorrow, but it's probably going to be the highest pay. But, it doesn't offer the immediate career advancement of Company A. But, it's closer to home. And he'd get a raise AND Company A's severance package. But he'd really piss off Company B, who he'd still have to work with regularly.

But, but, but. Ben's been droning on and on all week about each company's 401k/pension/retirement plans (often while I was short-circuiting my BlackBerry getting news from my own job), and it matters, but I'm not factoring it into this decision as much. After all, at 31, you don't join a company for the retirement package. And you wouldn't stay at a job you hated just because they contribute more to your 401k.

So that's where we are. Each day brings a new decision. Some frivolous, some life-changing... each of them more exhausting than the next. Is this what adulthood is all about? I must have missed the memo.

If you made it to the end of this, you deserve some Cute. So, here you go: this is from our trip to Big Bear over Ben's birthday (I guess the whole month wasn't so bad). Noah's first snow!

No judgment

I feel like I've learned more in the past year than in the previous 26 years of my existence combined. Here is a non-comprehensive list:

• Humans are capable of functioning on just a few hours' sleep for weeks at a time. Surviving, not thriving.
  
• Despite what you'd think, lack of sleep and lack of time to eat does NOT equal weight loss.
  
• Hormones will really mess with your brain.
  
• Babies make really funny faces.
  
• It is possible for someone to poop into their hair.
  
• Boppy pillows should be standard hospital issue.
  
• So should Moby wraps.
  
• It is 100% impossible to "sleep when your baby sleeps".
  
• They say you can start sleep training your baby at 4 months. But they don't tell you what to do when your baby slept through the night from 10 weeks - 6 months, then (with a few weeks of exceptions) is up nightly due to teething and colds until past age 1.
• Baby "experts" who write volumes on how to feed, bathe, clothe, and raise your child are actually writing about how they successfully fed, bathed, clothed, and raised THEIR child(ren) 30 years ago. Their child(ren) is(are) 100% different from yours. Guaranteed.
  
• There is a surprising amount of pressure to feed your baby 100% organic food from BPA-free containers... often from parents eating french fries from Styrofoam boxes.
  
• As a parent, guilt is inevitable, unavoidable, and unnecessary.
• When pajamas are wet 3 mornings in a row or you have 3 consecutive poop leakages, it's time to move up diaper sizes. You'll never see that published anywhere, but it's the best indicator we have!
  
• Baby shoes (good ones) are shockingly expensive. As are bottles, teething biscuits, diapers, pacifiers, and formula.
  
• Some parents buy baby clothes too big, or don't buy much at all, because "he'll just grow out of them". I get it, and he definitely does, but I just can't resist a cute outfit. And I almost always buy it to fit. But, I have a rule-- I never spend more than $8 per piece on an outfit (unless its a really, really special occasion).
• Hugs from a baby will melt your heart.
  

But most importantly:

• As a parent, you make rules for yourself and your baby. You decide what kind of parent you're going to be, and then, when the baby actually arrives, you change all of your rules to fit your baby (The Boss). But after a while, you accept your rules as being the most correct, because they work for you-- and it's hard not to judge what you see around you.
  
  For example, I never wanted to use pacifiers. I thought they were an unnecessary crutch used by lazy parents. And then all Noah wanted to do was suck-- on ME-- even when he wasn't hungry. And so began soothing with pacifiers. We'll start weaning this summer, once we're off bottles. But today, I saw a three or four year old with a pacifier and thought, "Dude, really? That kid is way too old." But then I reminded myself-- No judgment. You never know how it will end up.
  
  I never wanted to use bottles. I planned on exclusively breast feeding for at least 6 months. And we all know how that turned out. But still, when I see parents with really really young babies using formula in bottles, I think "you should be breastfeeding!"... and then I remember-- No judgment.
  
  And I was reading about a mom who just Ferberized her baby, and now they're sleeping through the night. We've tried crying it out a couple times - half-heartedly, admittedly - and it did NOT work for us. In fact, it made it worse. And I really hate the idea of sending Noah the message "Mommy and Daddy are unavailable from 9:00pm until 6:00am, even if you really need us." But I have to remember-- no judgment.
  
  Of course there are non-negotiables: Car seats, clean diapers, supervision - the basic safety stuff. But the little things: clothing, feeding style, sleeping arrangements, organic vs. non-organic... it's all about style and what works.
  

So - the biggest learning?

• If it works, run with it.
  

Uncertainty

I'm not good at waiting. The last three weeks of my pregnancy were unbearable-- not because I was supremely uncomfortable (and I was), but because I knew that labor was going to be hard ad painful (can I get an "Amen"!), and it could start at any moment (although it didn't), and there was nothing I could do to control it.

On Thursday, we all got word that our company is doing some major re-structuring. We've known about it for a while, but the details announced on Thursday were more drastic than my wildest dreaming, and it set everyone into a tizzy. Several executives have been laid off (probably more than several), and most of the remaining VPs and directors have been "re-assigned" as "general managers".

This is Round One. Now that the executive team is in place, they'll spend the next 30-90 days re-structuring the lower levels of management, which will involve job losses at my level. Which means I might have a job in two months, or I might not. My job might be exactly the same, or I could be given double responsibilities, leading to 12 hour days or even 6 day weeks. I'm almost not worried losing my job or not-- we could survive that, I think-- I'm most worried that in three months, my job will no longer resemble the one I have now, and that I'll no longer love what I do.

But it's the waiting that I really hate. 1-3 months?! What kind of timeline is that? They might tell us in two weeks or twelve! I might know mid-March, or they might wait until after our planned vacation to visit Becky in Cancun-- we get back May 3rd. Ugh! Just tell me now!

Yeah, I'm not a good waiter.

One

Attn: Human Resources

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing because I have concerns about the working conditions to which I have been subjected over the last month. My job duties seem to have increased threefold of late, and my co-worker (who usually pitches in to ensure I am not overworked) has been sent elsewhere to conduct "more important" business. As things get up and running, I find that it is more and more difficult to take even a short coffee break, as even a moment's inattention frequently leads to physical and emotional catastrophe for our entire organization. Morale in my department is sinking - and fast.

That being said, I must admit that I find parts of my job positively delightful. And no one can deny the view from my office is breathtaking. However, I do have some specific complaints, as detailed below:

• It has been months since I was able to care for personal hygiene issues without supervision. I think you'll agree that this is both inappropriate and unnecessary.
  
• My boss seems completely incapable of communicating his needs. When my work performance displeases him, I am subjected to incoherent screaming, frequently followed by embarrassing tears for us both.
• The increases to the size and scope of my position over the last year are unprecedented, and I feel I must mention that I am grossly under-compensated.
  
• Since January 1st, I have been given only two opportunities to sleep for longer than 4 hours at once. I have been working insane amounts of overtime, completely without pay. I should remind you that most countries frown on slave labor, and that a call to the US Dept of Labor would likely lead to an audit of my time cards... and I would hate our disagreements to come to that.
  

Your urgent attention to these matters is greatly appreciated. It is my great hope that we can work together to better our work environment, to ensure the continued success of our organization.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Noah's Mommy